he present conditions  with his too-warm arms wrapped
tightly around me and nothing at all I could do about it. His face was closer than I wanted it to be. I
wished I could take a step back.

A smart person looks at all sides of a decision.

I have, I retorted.

If you havent thought at all about our . . . er, conversation the last time you came over, then thats not
true.

Thatconversation isnt relevant to my decision.

Some people will go to any lengths to delude themselves.

 Ive noticed that werewolves in particular are prone to that mistake  do you think its a genetic
thing?

Does that mean that hes a better kisser that I am? Jacob asked, suddenly glum.

I really couldnt say, Jake. Edward is the only person Ive ever kissed.

Besides me.

But I dont count that as a kiss, Jacob. I think of it more as an assault.

Ouch! Thats cold.

I shrugged. I wasnt going to take it back.

I did apologize about that, he reminded me.

And I forgave you . . . mostly. It doesnt change the way I remember it.

He muttered something unintelligible.

It was quiet then for a while; there was just the sound of his measured breathing and the wind roaring
high above us in the treetops. A cliff face rose sheer beside us, bare, rough gray stone. We followed the
base as it curved upward out of the forest.

I still think its pretty irresponsible, Jacob suddenly said.

Whatever youre talking about, youre wrong.

Think about it, Bella. According to you, youve kissed just one person  who isnt even really a
person  in your whole life, and youre calling it quits? How do you know thats what you want?
Shouldnt you play the field a little?

I kept my voice cool. I know exactly what I want.

 Then it couldnt hurt to double check. Maybe you should try kissing someone else  just for
comparisons sake . . . since what happened the other day doesnt count. You could kissme, for
example. I dont mind if you want to use me to experiment.

He pulled me tighter against his chest, so that my face was closer to his. He was smiling at his joke, but I
wasnt taking any chances.

Dont mess with me, Jake. I swear I wont stop him if he wants to break your jaw.

The panicky edge to my voice made him smile wider. If youask me to kiss you, he wont have any
reason to get upset. He said that was fine.

Dont hold your breath, Jake  no, wait, I changed my mind. Go right ahead. Just hold your breath
until I ask you to kiss me.

Youre in a bad mood today.

I wonder why?

Sometimes I think you like me better as a wolf.

Sometimes I do. It probably has something to do with the way youcant talk. 

He pursed his broad lips thoughtfully. No, I dont think thats it. I think its easier for you to be near me
when Im not human, because you dont have to pretend that youre not attracted to me.

My mouth fell open with a little popping sound. I snapped it shut at once, grinding my teeth together.

He heard that. His lips pulled tightly across his face in a triumphant smile.

I took a slow breath before I spoke. No. Im pretty sure its because you cant talk.

He sighed. Do you ever get tired of lying to yourself? You have to know how aware you are of me.
Physically, I mean.

How could anyonenot be aware of you physically, Jacob? I demanded. Youre an enormous
monster who refuses to respect anyone elses personal space.

I make you nervous. But only when Im human. When Im a wolf, youre more comfortable around
me.

Nervousness and irritation are not the same thing.

 He stared at me for a minute, slowing to a walk, the amusement draining from his face. His eyes
narrowed, turned black in the shadow of his brows. His breathing, so regular as he ran, started to
accelerate. Slowly, he leaned his face closer to mine.

I stared him down, knowing exactly what he was trying to do.

Its your face, I reminded him.

He laughed loudly and started jogging again. I dont really want to fight with your vampire tonight  I
mean, any other night, sure. But we both have a job to do tomorrow, and I wouldnt want to leave the
Cullens one short.

The sudden, unexpected swell of shame distorted my expression.

I know, I know, he responded, not understanding. You think he could take me.

I couldnt speak. I was leaving them one short. What if someone got hurt because I was so weak? But
what if I was brave and Edward . . . I couldnt even think it.
Whats the matter with you, Bella? The joking bravado vanished from his face, revealing my Jacob
underneath, like pulling a mask away. If something I said upset you, you know I was only kidding. I
didnt mean anything  hey, are you okay? Dont cry, Bella, he pled.

I tried to pull myself together. Im not going to cry.

What did I say?

Its nothing you said. Its just, well, its me. I did something . . . bad.

He stared at me, his eyes wide with confusion.

 Edward isnt going to fight tomorrow, I whispered the explanation. Im making him stay with me. I
am a huge coward.

He frowned. You think this isnt going to work? That theyll find you here? Do you know something I
dont know?

 No, no. Im not afraid of that. I just . . . Icant let him go. If he didnt come back . . . I shuddered,
closing my eyes to escape the thought.

Jacob was quiet.

 I kept whispering, my eyes shut. If anyone gets hurt, it will always be my fault. And even if no one does
. . . I was horrible. I had to be, to convince him to stay with me.He wont hold it against me, but Ill
always know what Im capable of. I felt just a tiny bit better, getting this off my chest. Even if I could
only confess it to Jacob.

He snorted. My eyes opened slowly, and I was sad to see that the hard mask was back.

I cant believe he let you talk him out of going. I wouldnt miss this for anything.

I sighed. I know.

That doesnt mean anything, though. He was suddenly backtracking. That doesnt mean that he loves
you more than I do.

Butyou wouldnt stay with me, even if I begged.

 He pursed his lips for a moment, and I wondered if he would try to deny it. We both knew the truth.
Thats only because I know you better, he said at last. Everythings going to go without a hitch. Even
if youd asked and Id said no, you wouldnt be mad at me afterwards.

If everything does go without a hitch, youre probably right. I wouldnt be mad. But the whole time
youre gone, Ill be sick with worry, Jake. Crazy with it.

Why? he asked gruffly. Why does it matter to you if something happens to me?

 Dont say that. You know how much you mean to me. Im sorry its not in the way you want, but thats
just how it is. Youre my best friend. At least, you used to be. And still sometimes are . . . when you let
your guard down.

He smiled the old smile that I loved. Im always that, he promised. Even when I dont . . . behave as
well as I should. Underneath, Im always in here.

I know. Why else would I put up with all of your crap?

 He laughed with me, and then his eyes were sad. Whenare you finally going to figure out that youre in
love with me, too?

Leave it to you to ruin the moment.

 Im not saying you dont love him. Im not stupid. But its possible to love more than one person at a
time, Bella. Ive seen it in action.

Im not some freaky werewolf, Jacob.

He wrinkled his nose, and I was about to apologize for that last jab, but he changed the subject.

Were not far now, I can smell him.

I sighed in relief.

 He misinterpreted my meaning. Id happily slow down, Bella, but youre going to want to be under
shelter beforethat hits.

We both looked up at the sky.

 A solid wall of purple-black cloud was racing in from the west, blackening the forest beneath it as it
came.

Wow, I muttered. Youd better hurry, Jake. Youll want to get home before it gets here.

Im not going home.

I glared at him, exasperated. Youre not camping with us.

Not technically  as in, sharing your tent or anything. I prefer the storm to the smell. But Im sure your
bloodsucker will want to keep in touch with the pack for coordination purposes, and so I will graciously
provide that service.

I thought that was Seths job.

Hell take over tomorrow, during the fight.

The reminder silenced me for a second. I stared at him, worry springing up again with sudden fierceness.

I dont suppose theres any way youd just stay since youre already here? I suggested. If Idid beg?
Or trade back the lifetime of servitude or something?

Tempting, but no. Then again, the begging might be interesting to see. You can give it a go if you like.
Theres really nothing,nothing at all I can say?

Nope. Not unless you can promise me a better fight. Anyway, Sams calling the shots, not me.

That reminded me.

Edward told me something the other day . . . about you.

He bristled. Its probably a lie.

Oh, really? You arent second in command of the pack, then?

He blinked, his face going blank with surprise. Oh. That.

How come you never told me that?

Why would I? Its no big thing.

 I dont know. Why not? Its interesting. So, how does that work? How did Sam end up as the Alpha,
and you as the . . . the Beta?

 Jacob chuckled at my invented term. Sam was the first, the oldest. It made sense for him to take
charge.

I frowned. But shouldnt Jared or Paul be second, then? They were the next to change.

Well . . . its hard to explain, Jacob said evasively.

Try.

He sighed. Its more about the lineage, you know? Sort of old-fashioned. Why should it matter who
your grandpa was, right?

 I remembered something Jacob had told me a long time ago, before either of us had known anything
about werewolves.

Didnt you say that Ephraim Black was the last chief the Quileutes had?

Yeah, thats right. Because he was the Alpha. Did you know that, technically, Sams the chief of the
whole tribe now? He laughed. Crazy traditions.

 I thought about that for a second, trying to make all the pieces fit. But you also said that people listened
to your dad more than anyone else on the council, because he was Ephraims grandson?

What about it?

Well, if its about the lineage . . . shouldnt you be the chief, then?

Jacob didnt answer me. He stared into the darkening forest, as if he suddenly needed to concentrate on
where he was going.
Jake?

No. Thats Sams job. He kept his eyes on our pathless course.

Why? His great-granddad was Levi Uley, right? Was Levi an Alpha, too?

Theres only one Alpha, he answered automatically.

So what was Levi?

Sort of a Beta, I guess. He snorted at my term. Like me.

That doesnt make sense.

It doesnt matter.

I just want to understand.

Jacob finally met my confused gaze, and then sighed. Yeah. I was supposed to be the Alpha.

My eyebrows pulled together. Sam didnt want to step down?

Hardly. I didnt want to step up.

Why not?

He frowned, uncomfortable with my questions. Well, it was his turn to feel uncomfortable.

 I didnt want any of it, Bella. I didnt want anything to change. I didnt want to be some legendary chief.
I didnt want to be part of a pack of werewolves, let alone their leader. I wouldnt take it when Sam
offered.

I thought about this for a long moment. Jacob didnt interrupt. He stared into the forest again.

But I thought you were happier. That you were okay with this, I finally whispered.

 Jacob smiled down at me reassuringly. Yeah. Its really not so bad. Exciting sometimes, like with this
thing tomorrow. But at first it sort of felt like being drafted into a war you didnt know existed. There was
no choice, you know? And it was so final. He shrugged. Anyway, I guess Im glad now. It has to be
done, and could I trust someone else to get it right? Its better to make sure myself.

 I stared at him, feeling an unexpected kind of awe for my friend. He was more of a grown-up than Id
ever given him credit for. Like with Billy the other night at the bonfire, there was a majesty here that Id
never suspected.

Chief Jacob, I whispered, smiling at the way the words sounded together.

He rolled his eyes.

Just then, the wind shook more fiercely through the trees around us, and it felt like it was blowing straight
off a glacier. The sharp sound of wood cracking echoed off the mountain. Though the light was vanishing
as the grisly cloud covered the sky, I could still see the little white specks that fluttered past us.

Jacob stepped up the pace, keeping his eyes on the ground now as he flat out sprinted. I curled more
willingly against his chest, recoiling from the unwelcome snow.

 It was only minutes later that he dashed around to the lee side of the stony peak and we could see the
little tent nestled up against the sheltering face. More flurries were falling around us, but the wind was too
fierce to let them settle anywhere.

 Bella! Edward called out in acute relief. Wed caught him in the middle of pacing back and forth
across the little open space.

 He flashed to my side, sort of blurring as he moved so swiftly. Jacob cringed, and then set me on my
feet. Edward ignored his reaction and caught me in a tight hug.

 Thank you, Edward said over my head. His tone was unmistakably sincere. That was quicker than I
expected, and I truly appreciate it.

I twisted to see Jacobs response.

Jacob merely shrugged, all the friendliness wiped clean from his face. Get her inside. This is going to be
bad  my hairs standing up on my scalp. Is that tent secure?

I all but welded it to the rock.

Good.

Jacob looked up at the sky  now black with the storm, sprinkled with the swirling bits of snow. His
nostrils flared.

Im going to change, he said. I want to know whats going on back home.

He hung his jacket on a low, stubby branch, and walked into the murky forest without a backward
glance.




22. FIRE AND ICE

THE WIND SHOOK THE TENT AGAIN, AND I SHOOK WITH IT.

The temperature was dropping. I could feel it through the down bag, through my jacket. I was fully
dressed, my hiking boots still laced into place. It didnt make any difference. How could it be so cold?
How could itkeep getting colder? It had to bottom out sometime, didnt it?

W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it? I forced the words through my rattling teeth.

Two, Edward answered.
 Edward sat as far from me as possible in the cramped space, afraid to even breathe on me when I was
already so cold. It was too dark to see his face, but his voice was wild with worry, indecision, and
frustration.

Maybe . . .

No, Im f-f-f-f-f-fine, r-r-r-really. I dont w-w-w-want to g-go outside.

 Hed tried to talk me into making a run for it a dozen times already, but I was terrified of leaving my
shelter. If it was this cold in here, protected from the raging wind, I could imagine how bad it would be if
we were running through it.

 And it would waste all our efforts this afternoon. Would we have enough time to reset ourselves when
the storm was over? What if it didnt end? It made no sense to move now. I could shiver my way through
one night.

 I was worried that the trail I had laid would be lost, but he promised that it would still be plain to the
coming monsters.

What can I do? he almost begged.

I just shook my head.

Out in the snow, Jacob whined unhappily.

G-g-g-get out of h-h-h-ere, I ordered, again.

Hes just worried about you, Edward translated. Hes fine.His body is equipped to deal with this.

H-h-h-h-h-h. I wanted to say that he should still leave, but I couldnt get it past my teeth. I nearly bit
my tongue off trying. At least Jacobdid seem to be well equipped for the snow, better even than the
others in his pack with his thicker, longer, shaggy russet fur. I wondered why that was.

Jacob whimpered, a high-pitched, grating sound of complaint.

 What do you want me to do? Edward growled, too anxious to bother with politeness anymore. Carry
her throughthat ? I dont see you making yourself useful. Why dont you go fetch a space heater or
something?

 Im ok-k-k-k-k-k-kay, I protested. Judging from Edwards groan and the muted growl outside the
tent, I hadnt convinced anyone. The wind rocked the tent roughly, and I shuddered in harmony with it.

 A sudden howl ripped through the roar of the wind, and I covered my ears against the noise. Edward
scowled.

 That was hardly necessary, he muttered. And thats the worst idea Ive ever heard, he called more
loudly.

 Better than anything youve come up with, Jacob answered, his human voice startling me.Go fetch a
space heater, he grumbled. Im not a St. Bernard.
I heard the sound of the zipper around the tent door pulling swiftly down.

 Jacob slid through the smallest opening he could manage, while the arctic air flowed in around him, a few
flecks of snow falling to the floor of the tent. I shivered so hard it was a convulsion.

I dont like this, Edward hissed as Jake zipped the tent door shut. Just give her the coat and get out.

 My eyes were adjusted enough to see shapes  Jacob was carrying the parka that had been hanging on
a tree next to the tent.

 I tried to ask what they were talking about, but all that came out of my mouth was, W-w-w-w-w-w,
as the shivering made me stutter uncontrollably.

 The parkas for tomorrow  shes too cold to warm it up by herself. Its frozen. He dropped it by
the door. You said she needed a space heater, and here I am. Jacob held his arms as wide as the tent
allowed. As usual, when hed been running around as a wolf, hed only thrown on the bare essentials 
just a pair of sweats, no shirt, no shoes.

J-J-J-J-Jake, youll f-f-f-freez-z-z-ze, I tried to complain.

 Not me, he said cheerfully. I run at a toasty one-oh-eight point nine these days. Ill have you sweating
in no time.

Edward snarled, but Jacob didnt even look at him. Instead, he crawled to my side and started unzipping
my sleeping bag.

 Edwards hand was suddenly hard on his shoulder, restraining, snow white against the dark skin.
Jacobs jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring, his body recoiling from the cold touch. The long muscles in his
arms flexed automatically.

Get your hand off of me, he growled through his teeth.

Keep your hands off of her, Edward answered blackly.

D-d-d-dont f-f-f-f-fight, I pleaded. Another tremor rocked through me. It felt like my teeth were
going to shatter, they were slamming together so hard.

Im sure shell thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off, Jacob snapped.

Edward hesitated, then his hand fell away and he slid back to his position in the corner.

His voice was flat and frightening. Watch yourself.

Jacob chuckled.

Scoot over, Bella, he said, zipping the sleeping bag open farther.

I stared at him in outrage. No wonder Edward was reacting this way.

N-n-n-n-n, I tried to protest.
Dont be stupid, he said, exasperated. Dont youlike having ten toes?

He crammed his body into the nonexistent space, forcing the zipper up behind himself.

 And then I couldnt object  I didnt want to anymore. He was so warm. His arms constricted around
me, holding me snugly against his bare chest. The heat was irresistible, like air after being underwater for
too long. He cringed when I pressed my icy fingers eagerly against his skin.

Jeez, youre freezing, Bella, he complained.

S-s-s-s-sorry, I stuttered.

Try to relax, he suggested as another shiver rippled through me violently. Youll be warm in a minute.
Of course, youd warm up faster if you took your clothes off.

Edward growled sharply.

Thats just a simple fact, Jacob defended himself. Survival one-oh-one.

 C-c-cut it out, Jake, I said angrily, though my body refused to even try to pull away from him.
N-n-n-nobody really n-n-n-n-needs all ten t-t-t-toes.

Dont worry about the bloodsucker, Jacob suggested, and his tone was smug. Hes just jealous.

 Of course I am. Edwards voice was velvet again, under control, a musical murmur in the darkness.
You dont have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what youre doing for her, mongrel.

Those are the breaks, Jacob said lightly, but then his tone soured. At least you know she wishes it
was you.

True, Edward agreed.

The shuddering slowed, became bearable while they wrangled.

There, Jacob said, pleased. Feeling better?

I was finally able to speak clearly. Yes.

Your lips are still blue, he mused. Want me to warm those up for you, too? You only have to ask.

Edward sighed heavily.

 Behave yourself, I muttered, pressing my face against his shoulder. He flinched again when my cold
skin touched his, and I smiled with slightly vindictive satisfaction.

 It was already warm and snug inside the sleeping bag. Jacobs body heat seemed to radiate from every
side  maybe because there was somuch of him. I kicked my boots off, and pushed my toes against his
legs. He jumped slightly, and then leaned his head down to press his hot cheek against my numb ear.

 I noticed that Jacobs skin had a woodsy, musky scent  it fit the setting, here in the middle of the
forest. It was nice. I wondered if the Cullens and the Quileutes werent just playing up that whole odor
issue because of their prejudices. Everyone smelled fine to me.

 The storm howled like an animal attacking the tent, but it didnt worry me now. Jacob was out of the
cold, and so was I. Plus, I was simply too exhausted to worry about anything  tired from just staying
awake so late, and aching from the muscle spasms. My body relaxed slowly as I thawed, piece by frozen
piece, and then turned limp.

Jake? I mumbled sleepily. Can I ask you something? Im not trying to be a jerk or anything, Im
honestly curious. They were the same words hed used in my kitchen . . . how long ago was it now?

Sure, he chuckled, remembering.

Why are you so much furrier than your friends? You dont have to answer if Im being rude. I didnt
know the rules for etiquette as they applied to werewolf culture.

Because my hair is longer, he said, amused  my question hadnt offended him, at least. He shook his
head so that his unkempt hair  grown out to his chin now  tickled my cheek.

Oh. I was surprised, but it made sense. So that was why theyd all cropped their hair in the beginning,
when they joined the pack. Then why dont you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?

He didnt answer right away this time, and Edward laughed under his breath.

Sorry, I said, pausing to yawn. I didnt mean to pry. You dont have to tell me.

Jacob made an annoyed sound. Oh, hell tell you anyway, so I might as well. . . . I was growing my hair
out because . . . it seemed like you liked it better long.

Oh. I felt awkward. I, er, like it both ways, Jake. You dont need to be . . . inconvenienced.

He shrugged. Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so dont worry about it.

I didnt have anything else to say. As the silence lengthened, my eyelids drooped and shut, and my
breathing grew slower, more even.

Thats right, honey, go to sleep, Jacob whispered.

I sighed, content, already half-unconscious.

Seth is here, Edward muttered to Jacob, and I suddenly understood the point of the howling.

Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you.

Edward didnt answer, but I groaned groggily. Stop it, I muttered.

 It was quiet then, inside at least. Outside, the wind shrieked insanely through the trees. The shimmying of
the tent made it hard to sleep. The poles would suddenly jerk and quiver, pulling me back from the edge
of unconsciousness each time I was close to slipping under. I felt so bad for the wolf, the boy that was
stuck outside in the snow.

My mind wandered as I waited for sleep to find me. This warm little space made me think of the early
days with Jacob, and I remembered how it used to be when he was my replacement sun, the warmth that
made my empty life livable. It had been a while since Id thought of Jake that way, but here he was,
warming me again.

Please! Edward hissed. Do youmind !

What? Jacob whispered back, his tone surprised.

Do you think you couldattempt to control your thoughts? Edwards low whisper was furious.

No one said you had to listen, Jacob muttered, defiant, yet still embarrassed. Get out of my head.

I wish Icould. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. Its like youre shouting them at me.

Ill try to keep it down, Jacob whispered sarcastically.

There was a brief moment of silence.

 Yes, Edward answered an unspoken thought in a murmur so low I barely made it out. Im jealous of
that, too.

 I figured it was like that, Jacob whispered smugly. Sort of evens the playing field up a little, doesnt
it?

Edward chuckled. In your dreams.

You know, she could still change her mind, Jacob taunted him. Consideringall the things I