emembering?

 Flickers, Alice said. I cant see a clear picture when I try to see whats going on, nothing concrete.
But Ive been getting these strange flashes. Not enough to make sense of. Its as if someones changing
their mind, moving from one course of action to another so quickly that I cant get a good view. . . .

Indecision? Jasper asked in disbelief.

I dont know. . . .

Not indecision, Edward growled. Knowledge. Someone who knows you cant see anything until the
decision is made. Someone who is hiding from us. Playing with the holes in your vision.

Who would know that? Alice whispered.

Edwards eyes were hard as ice. Aro knows you as well as you know yourself.

But I would see if theyd decided to come. . . .

Unless they didnt want to get their hands dirty.

 A favor, Rosalie suggested, speaking for the first time. Someone in the South . . . someone who
already had trouble with the rules. Someone who should have been destroyed is offered a second chance
 if they take care of this one small problem. . . . That would explain the Volturis sluggish response.

Why? Carlisle asked, still shocked. Theres no reason for the Volturi 

 It was there, Edward disagreed quietly. Im surprised its come to this so soon, because the other
thoughts were stronger. In Aros head he saw me at his one side and Alice at his other. The present and
the future, virtual omniscience. The power of the idea intoxicated him. I would have thought it would take
him much longer to give up on that plan  he wanted it too much. But there was also the thought of you,
Carlisle, of our family, growing stronger and larger. The jealousy and the fear: you having . . . notmore
than he had, but still, things that he wanted. He tried not to think about it, but he couldnt hide it
completely. The idea of rooting out the competition was there; besides their own, ours is the largest
coven theyve ever found. . . .

 I stared at his face in horror. Hed never told me this, but I guessed I knew why. I could see it in my
head now, Aros dream. Edward and Alice in black, flowing robes, drifting along at Aros side with their
eyes cold and blood-red. . . .

Carlisle interrupted my waking nightmare. Theyre too committed to their mission. They would never
break the rules themselves. It goes against everything theyve worked for.

Theyll clean up afterward. A double betrayal, Edward said in a grim voice. No harm done.

 Jasper leaned forward, shaking his head. No, Carlisle is right. The Volturi do not break rules. Besides,
its much too sloppy. This . . . person, this threat  they have no idea what theyre doing. A first-timer,
Id swear to it. I cannot believe the Volturi are involved. But they will be.

They all stared at each other, frozen with stress.

Then letsgo,  Emmett almost roared. What are we waiting for?

Carlisle and Edward exchanged a long glance. Edward nodded once.

Well need you to teach us, Jasper, Carlisle finally said. How to destroy them. Carlisles jaw was
hard, but I could see the pain in his eyes as he said the words. No one hated violence more than Carlisle.

 There was something bothering me, and I couldnt put my finger on it. I was numb, horrified, deathly
afraid. And yet, under that, I could feel that I was missing something important. Something that would
make some sense out of the chaos. That would explain it.

 Were going to need help, Jasper said. Do you think Tanyas family would be willing . . . ? Another
five mature vampires would make an enormous difference. And then Kate and Eleazar would be
especially advantageous on our side. It would be almost easy, with their aid.

Well ask, Carlisle answered.

Jasper held out a cell phone. We need to hurry.

 Id never seen Carlisles innate calm so shaken. He took the phone, and paced toward the windows. He
dialed a number, held the phone to his ear, and laid the other hand against the glass. He stared out into
the foggy morning with a pained and ambivalent expression.

 Edward took my hand and pulled me to the white loveseat. I sat beside him, staring at his face while he
stared at Carlisle.

 Carlisles voice was low and quick, difficult to hear. I heard him greet Tanya, and then he raced through
the situation too fast for me to understand much, though I could tell that the Alaskan vampires were not
ignorant of what was going on in Seattle.

Then something changed in Carlisles voice.
Oh, he said, his voice sharper in surprise. We didnt realize . . . that Irina felt that way.

Edward groaned at my side and closed his eyes. Damn it. Damn Laurent to the deepest pit of hell
where he belongs.

Laurent? I whispered, the blood emptying from my face, but Edward didnt respond, focused on
Carlisles thoughts.

My short encounter with Laurent early this spring was not something that had faded or dimmed in my
mind. I still remembered every word hed said before Jacob and his pack had interrupted.

I actually came here as a favor to her. . . .

 Victoria. Laurent had been her first maneuver  shed sent him to observe, to see how hard it might be
to get to me. He hadnt survived the wolves to report back.

 Though hed kept up his old ties with Victoria after Jamess death, hed also formed new ties and new
relationships. Hed gone to live with Tanyas family in Alaska  Tanya the strawberry blonde  the
closest friends the Cullens had in the vampire world, practically extended family. Laurent had been with
them for almost a year previous to his death.

 Carlisle was still talking, his voice not quite pleading. Persuasive, but with an edge. Then the edge
abruptly won out over the persuasion.

 Theres no question of that, Carlisle said in a stern voice. We have a truce. They havent broken it,
and neither will we. Im sorry to hear that. . . . Of course. Well just have to do our best alone.

Carlisle shut the phone without waiting for an answer. He continued to stare out into the fog.

Whats the problem? Emmett murmured to Edward.

Irina was more involved with our friend Laurent than we knew. Shes holding a grudge against the
wolves for destroying him to save Bella. She wants  He paused, looking down at me.

Go on, I said as evenly as I could.

His eyes tightened. She wants revenge. To take down the pack. They would trade their help for our
permission.

No! I gasped.

 Dont worry, he told me in a flat voice. Carlisle would never agree to it. He hesitated, then sighed.
Nor would I. Laurent had it coming  this was almost a growl  and I still owe the wolves for that.

This isnt good, Jasper said. Its too even a fight. Wed have the upper hand in skill, but not numbers.
Wed win, but at what price? His tense eyes flashed to Alices face and away.

I wanted to scream out loud as I grasped what Jasper meant.

We would win, but we would lose. Some wouldnt survive.
 I looked around the room at their faces  Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rose, Esme, Carlisle . . . Edward 
the faces of my family.




14. DECLARATION

YOU CANT BE SERIOUS, I SAID WEDNESDAY AFTERnoon. Youve completely lost your
mind!

Say whatever you like about me, Alice answered. The party is still on.

I stared at her, my eyes so wide with disbelief it felt like they might fall out and land on my lunch tray.

 Oh, calm down, Bella! Theres no reason not to go through with it. Besides, the invitations are already
sent.

But . . . the . . . you . . . I . . . insane! I spluttered.

Youve already bought my present, she reminded me. You dont have to do anything but show up.

 I made an effort to calm myself. With everything that is going on right now, a party is hardly
appropriate.

Graduation is whats going on right now, and a party is so appropriate its almost pass?.

Alice!

 She sighed, and tried to be serious. There are a few things we need to get in order now, and thats
going to take a little time. As long as were sitting here waiting, we might as well commemorate the good
stuff. Youre only going to graduate from high school  for the first time  once. You dont get to be
human again, Bella. This is a once-in-a-lifetime shot.

Edward, silent through our little argument, flashed her a warning look. She stuck out her tongue at him.
She was right  her soft voice would never carry over the babble of the cafeteria. And no one would
understand the meaning behind her words in any case.

What few things do we need to get in order? I asked, refusing to be sidetracked.

 Edward answered in a low voice. Jasper thinks we could use some help. Tanyas family isnt the only
choice we have. Carlisles trying to track down a few old friends, and Jasper is looking up Peter and
Charlotte. Hes considering talking to Maria . . . but no one really wants to involve the southerners.

Alice shuddered delicately.

It shouldnt be too hard to convince them to help, he continued. Nobody wants a visit from Italy.

 But these friends  theyre not going to be . . .vegetarians, right? I protested, using the Cullens
tongue-in-cheek nickname for themselves.
No, Edward answered, suddenly expressionless.

Here? In Forks?

 Theyre friends, Alice reassured me. Everythings going to be fine. Dont worry. And then, Jasper has
to teach us a few courses on newborn elimination. . . .

 Edwards eyes brightened at that, and a brief smile flashed across his face. My stomach suddenly felt
like it was full of sharp little splinters of ice.

 When are you going? I asked in a hollow voice. I couldnt stand this  the idea that someone might
not come back. What if it was Emmett, so brave and thoughtless that he was never the least bit cautious?
Or Esme, so sweet and motherly that I couldnt even imagine her in a fight? Or Alice, so tiny, so
fragile-looking? Or . . . but I couldnt even think the name, consider the possibility.

A week, Edward said casually. That ought to give us enough time.

The icy splinters twisted uncomfortably in my stomach. I was suddenly nauseated.

You look kind of green, Bella, Alice commented.

Edward put his arm around me and pulled me tightly against his side. Its going to be fine, Bella. Trust
me.

Sure,I thought to myself. Trust him. He wasnt the one who was going to have to sit behind and wonder
whether or not the core of his existence was going to come home.

And then it occurred to me. Maybe I didnt need to sit behind. A week was more than enough time.

Youre looking for help, I said slowly.

Yes. Alices head cocked to the side as she processed the change in my tone.

I looked only at her as I answered. My voice was just slightly louder than a whisper. Icould help.

Edwards body was suddenly rigid, his arm too tight around me. He exhaled, and the sound was a hiss.

But it was Alice, still calm, who answered. That really wouldnt behelpful. 

 Why not? I argued; I could hear the desperation in my voice. Eight is better than seven. Theres more
than enough time.

 Theres not enough time to make you helpful, Bella, she disagreed coolly. Do you remember how
Jasper described the young ones? Youd be no good in a fight. You wouldnt be able to control your
instincts, and that would make you an easy target. And then Edward would get hurt trying to protect
you. She folded her arms across her chest, pleased with her unassailable logic.

And I knew she was right, when she put it like that. I slumped in my seat, my sudden hope defeated.
Beside me, Edward relaxed.

He whispered the reminder in my ear. Not because youre afraid.
 Oh, Alice said, and a blank look crossed her face. Then her expression became surly. I hate
last-minute cancellations. So that puts the party attendance list down to sixty-five. . . .

Sixty-five!My eyes bulged again. I didnt have that many friends. Did I even know that many people?

Who canceled? Edward wondered, ignoring me.

Ren?e.

What? I gasped.

She was going to surprise you for your graduation, but something went wrong. Youll have a message
when you get home.

 For a moment, I just let myself enjoy the relief. Whatever it was that went wrong for my mother, I was
eternally grateful to it. If she had come to Forksnow . . . I didnt want to think about it. My head would
explode.

 The message light was flashing when I got home. My feeling of relief flared again as I listened to my
mother describe Phils accident on the ball field  while demonstrating a slide, hed tangled up with the
catcher and broken his thigh bone; he was entirely dependent on her, and there was no way she could
leave him. My mom was still apologizing when the message cut off.

Well, thats one, I sighed.

One what? Edward asked.

One person I dont have to worry about getting killed this week.

He rolled his eyes.

Why wont you and Alice take this seriously? I demanded. This isserious. 

He smiled. Confidence.

 Wonderful, I grumbled. I picked up the phone and dialed Ren?es number. I knew it would be a long
conversation, but I also knew that I wouldnt have to contribute much.

 I just listened, and reassured her every time I could get a word in: I wasnt disappointed, I wasnt mad, I
wasnt hurt. She should concentrate on helping Phil get better. I passed on my get well soon to Phil,
and promised to call her with every single detail from Forks Highs generic graduation. Finally, I had to
use my desperate need to study for finals to get off the phone.

 Edwards patience was endless. He waited politely through the whole conversation, just playing with my
hair and smiling whenever I looked up. It was probably superficial to notice such things while I had so
many more important things to think about, but his smile still knocked the breath out of me. He was so
beautiful that it made it hard sometimes to think about anything else, hard to concentrate on Phils
troubles or Ren?es apologies or hostile vampire armies. I was only human.

As soon as I hung up, I stretched onto my tiptoes to kiss him. He put his hands around my waist and
lifted me onto the kitchen counter, so I wouldnt have to reach as far. That worked for me. I locked my
arms around his neck and melted against his cold chest.

Too soon, as usual, he pulled away.

 I felt my face slip into a pout. He laughed at my expression as he extricated himself from my arms and
legs. He leaned against the counter next to me and put one arm lightly around my shoulders.

 I know you think that I have some kind of perfect, unyielding self-control, but thats not actually the
case.

I wish, I sighed.

And he sighed, too.

 After school tomorrow, he said, changing the subject, Im going hunting with Carlisle, Esme, and
Rosalie. Just for a few hours  well stay close. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett should be able to keep you
safe.

Ugh, I grumbled. Tomorrow was the first day of finals, and it was only a half-day. I had Calculus and
History  the only two challenges in my line-up  so Id have almost the whole day without him, and
nothing to do but worry. I hate being babysat.

Its temporary, he promised.

Jasper will be bored. Emmett will make fun of me.

Theyll be on their best behavior.

Right, I grumbled.

And then it occurred to me that I did have one option besides babysitters. You know . . . I havent
been to La Push since the bonfire.

I watched his face carefully for any change in expression. His eyes tightened the tiniest bit.

Id be safe enough there, I reminded him.

He thought about it for a few seconds. Youre probably right.

 His face was calm, but just a little too smooth. I almost asked if hed rather I stayed here, but then I
thought of the ribbing Emmett would no doubt dish out, and I changed the subject. Are you thirsty
already? I asked, reaching up to stroke the light shadow beneath his eye. His irises were still a deep
gold.

Not really. He seemed reluctant to answer, and that surprised me. I waited for an explanation.

We want to be as strong as possible, he explained, still reluctant. Well probably hunt again on the
way, looking for big game.

That makes you stronger?
He searched my face for something, but there was nothing to find but curiosity.

 Yes, he finally said. Human blood makes us the strongest, though only fractionally. Jaspers been
thinking about cheating  adverse as he is to the idea, hes nothing if not practical  but he wont
suggest it. He knows what Carlisle will say.

Would that help? I asked quietly.

It doesnt matter. We arent going to change who we are.

 I frowned. If something helped even the odds . . . and then I shuddered, realizing I was willing to have a
stranger die to protect him. I was horrified at myself, but not entirely able to deny it, either.

He changed the subject again. Thats why theyre so strong, of course. The newborns are full of human
blood  their own blood, reacting to the change. It lingers in the tissues and strengthens them. Their
bodies use it up slowly, like Jasper said, the strength starting to wane after about a year.

How strong willI be?

He grinned. Stronger than I am.

Stronger than Emmett?

The grin got bigger. Yes. Do me a favor and challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. It would be a
good experience for him.

I laughed. It sounded so ridiculous.

 Then I sighed and hopped down from the counter, because I really couldnt put it off any longer. I had
to cram, and cram hard. Luckily I had Edwards help, and Edward was an excellent tutor  since he
knew absolutely everything. I figured my biggest problem would be just focusing on the tests. If I didnt
watch myself, I might end up writing my History essay on the vampire wars of the South.

I took a break to call Jacob, and Edward seemed just as comfortable as he had when I was on the
phone with Ren?e. He played with my hair again.

 Though it was the middle of the afternoon, my call woke Jacob up, and he was grouchy at first. He
cheered right up when I asked if I could visit the next day. The Quileute school was already out for the
summer, so he told me to come over as early as I could. I was pleased to have an option besides being
babysat. There was a tiny bit more dignity in spending the day with Jacob.

Some of that dignity was lost when Edward insisted again on delivering me to the border line like a child
being exchanged by custodial guardians.

So how do you feel you did on your exams? Edward asked on the way, making small talk.

History was easy, but I dont know about the Calculus. It seemed like it was making sense, so that
probably means I failed.

He laughed. Im sure you did fine. Or, if youre really worried, I could bribe Mr. Varner to give you an
A.

Er, thanks, but no thanks.

 He laughed again, but suddenly stopped when we turned the last bend and saw the red car waiting. He
frowned in concentration, and then, as he parked the car, he sighed.

Whats wrong? I asked, my hand on the door.

He shook his head. Nothing. His eyes were narrowed as he stared through the windshield toward the
other car. Id seen that look before.

Youre notlistening to Jacob, are you? I accused.

Its not easy to ignore someone when hes shouting.

Oh. I thought about that for a second. Whats he shouting? I whispered.

Im absolutely certain hell mention it himself, Edward said in a wry tone.

I would have pressed the issue, but then Jacob honked his horn  two quick impatient honks.

Thats impolite, Edward growled.

 Thats Jacob, I sighed, and I hurried out before Jacob did something to really set Edwards teeth on
edge.

 I waved to Edward before I got into the Rabbit and, from that distance, it looked like he was truly upset
about the honking thing . . . or whatever Jacob was thinking about. But my eyes were weak and made
mistakes all the time.

 I wanted Edward to come to me. I wanted to make both of them get out of their cars and shake hands
and be friends  be Edward and Jacob rather thanvampire andwerewolf. It was as if I had those two
stubborn magnets in my hands again, and I was holding them together, trying to force nature to reverse
herself. . . .

I sighed, and climbed in Jacobs car.

 Hey, Bells. Jakes tone was cheerful, but his voice dragged. I examined his face as he started down
the road, driving a little faster than I did, but slower than Edward, on his way back to La Push.

 Jacob looked different, maybe even sick. His eyelids drooped and his face was drawn. His shaggy hair
stuck out in random directions; it was almost to his chin in some places.

Are you all right, Jake?

 Just tired, he managed to get out before he was overcome by a massive yawn. When he finished, he
asked, What do you want to do today?

I eyed him for a moment. Lets just hang out at your place for now, I suggested. He didnt look like he
was up for much more than that. We can ride our bikes later.
Sure, sure, he said, yawning again.

 Jacobs house was vacant, and that felt strange. I realized I thought of Billy as a nearly permanent fixture
there.

Wheres your dad?

Over at the Clearwaters. Hes been hanging out there a lot since Harry died. Sue gets lonely.

Jacob sat down on the old couch that was no bigger than a loveseat and squished himself to the side to
make room for me.

Oh. Thats nice. Poor Sue.

Yeah . . . shes having some trouble. . . . He hesitated. With her kids.

Sure, its got to be hard on Seth and Leah, losing their dad. . . .

 Uh-huh, he agreed, lost in thought. He picked up the remote and flipped on the TV without seeming to
think about it. He yawned.

Whats with you, Jake? Youre like a zombie.

 I got about two hours of sleep last night, and four the night before, he told me. He stretched his long
arms slowly, and I could hear the joints crack as he flexed. He settled his left arm along the back of the
sofa behind me, and slumped back to rest his head against the wall. Im exhausted.

Why arent you sleeping? I asked.

 He made a face. Sams being difficult. He doesnt trust your bloodsuckers. Ive been running double
shifts for two weeks and nobodys touched me yet, but he still doesnt buy it. So Im on my own for
now.

 Double shifts? Is this because youre trying to watch out forme? Jake, thats wrong! You need to
sleep. Ill be fine.

 Its no big deal. His eyes were abruptly more alert. Hey, did you ever find out who was in your
room? Is there anything new?

I ignored the second question. No, we didnt find anything out about my, um, visitor.

Then Ill be around, he said as his eyes slid closed.

Jake . . . , I started to whine.

Hey, its the least I can do  I offered eternal servitude, remember. Im your slave for life.

I dont want a slave!

His eyes didnt open. Whatdo you want, Bella?
I want my friend Jacob  and I dont want him half-dead, hurting himself in some misguided attempt


He cut me off. Look at it this way  Im hoping I can track down a vampire Im allowed to kill,
okay?

I didnt answer. He looked at me then, peeking at my reaction.

Kidding, Bella.

I stared at the TV.

 So, any special plans next week? Youre graduating. Wow. Thats big. His voice turned flat, and his
face, already drawn, looked downright haggard as his eyes closed again  not in exhaustion this time,
but in denial. I realized that graduation still had a horrible significance for him, though my intentions were
now disrupted.

 Nospecial plans, I said carefully, hoping he would hear the reassurance in my words without a more
detailed explanation. I didnt want to get into it now. For one thing, he didnt look up for any difficult
conversations. For another, I knew he would read too much into my qualms. Well, I do have to go to a
graduation party. Mine. I made a disgusted sound. Aliceloves parties, and shes invited the whole town
to her place the night of. Its going to be horrible.

 His eyes opened as I spoke, and a relieved smile made his face look less worn. I didnt get an
invitation. Im hurt, he teased.

Consider yourself invited. Its supposedlymy party, so I should be able to ask who I want.

Thanks, he said sarcastically, his eyes slipping closed once more.

I wish you would come, I said without any hope. It would be more fun. For me, I mean.

Sure, sure, he mumbled. That would be very . . . wise . . . His voice trailed off.

A few seconds later, he was snoring.

 Poor Jacob. I studied his dreaming face, and liked what I saw. While he slept, every trace of
defensiveness and bitterness disappeared and suddenly he was the boy who had been my very best
friend before all the werewolf nonsense had gotten in the way. He looked so much younger. He looked
like my Jacob.

 I nestled into the couch to wait out his nap, hoping he would sleep for a while and make up some of
what hed lost. I flipped through channels, but there wasnt much on. I settled for a cooking show,
knowing, as I watched, that Id never put that much effort into Charl