member the very recent discussion about my freedom . . . ?

He sighed. Right. Okay,ten -thirty. You still have a curfew on school nights.
Bellas no longer grounded? Edward asked. Though I knew he wasnt really surprised, I couldnt
detect any false note to the sudden excitement in his voice.

Conditionally, Charlie corrected through his teeth. Whats it to you?

I frowned at my dad, but he didnt see.

Its just good to know, Edward said. Alice has been itching for a shopping partner, and Im sure
Bella would love to see some city lights. He smiled at me.

But Charlie growled, No! and his face flushed purple.

Dad! Whats the problem?

He made an effort to unclench his teeth. I dont want you going to Seattle right now.

Huh?

I told you about that story in the paper  theres some kind of gang on a killing spree in Seattle and I
want you to steer clear, okay?

 I rolled my eyes. Dad, theres a better chance that Ill get struck by lightning than that the one day Im
in Seattle 

 No, thats fine, Charlie, Edward said, interrupting me. I didnt mean Seattle. I was thinking Portland,
actually. I wouldnt have Bella in Seattle, either. Of course not.

I looked at him in disbelief, but he had Charlies newspaper in his hands and he was reading the front
page intently.

He must have been trying to appease my father. The idea of being in danger from even the most deadly
of humans while I was with Alice or Edward was downright hilarious.

 It worked. Charlie stared at Edward for one second more, and then shrugged. Fine. He stalked off
toward the living room, in a bit of a hurry now  maybe he didnt want to miss tip-off.

I waited till the TV was on, so that Charlie wouldnt be able to hear me.

What , I started to ask.

Hold on, Edward said without looking up from the paper. His eyes stayed focused on the page as he
pushed the first application toward me across the table. I think you can recycle your essays for this one.
Same questions.

 Charlie must still be listening. I sighed and started to fill out the repetitive information: name, address,
social. . . . After a few minutes I glanced up, but Edward was now staring pensively out the window. As I
bent my head back to my work, I noticed for the first time the name of the school.

I snorted and shoved the papers aside.
Bella?

Be serious, Edward.Dartmouth ?

 Edward lifted the discarded application and laid it gently in front of me again. I think youd like New
Hampshire, he said. Theres a full complement of night courses for me, and the forests are very
conveniently located for the avid hiker. Plentiful wildlife. He pulled out the crooked smile he knew I
couldnt resist.

I took a deep breath through my nose.

 Ill let you pay me back, if that makes you happy, he promised. If you want, I can charge you
interest.

Like I could even get in without some enormous bribe. Or was that part of the loan? The new Cullen
wing of the library? Ugh. Why are we having this discussion again?

Will you just fill out the application, please, Bella? It wont hurt you to apply.

My jaw flexed. You know what? I dont think I will.

 I reached for the papers, planning to crumple them into a suitable shape for lobbing at the trashcan, but
they were already gone. I stared at the empty table for a moment, and then at Edward. He didnt appear
to have moved, but the application was probably already tucked away in his jacket.

What are you doing? I demanded.

I sign your name better than you do yourself. Youve already written the essays.

 Youre going way overboard with this, you know. I whispered on the off chance that Charlie wasnt
completely lost in his game. I really dont need to apply anywhere else. Ive been accepted in Alaska. I
can almost afford the first semesters tuition. Its as good an alibi as any. Theres no need to throw away
a bunch of money, no matter whose it is.

A pained looked tightened his face. Bella 

Dont start. I agree that I need to go through the motions for Charlies sake, but we both know Im not
going to be in any condition to go to school next fall. To be anywhere near people.

 My knowledge of those first few years as a new vampire was sketchy. Edward had never gone into
details  it wasnt his favorite subject  but I knew it wasnt pretty. Self-control was apparently an
acquired skill. Anything more than correspondence school was out of the question.

 I thought the timing was still undecided, Edward reminded me softly. You might enjoy a semester or
two of college. There are a lot of human experiences youve never had.

Ill get to those afterward.

They wont behuman experiences afterward. You dont get a second chance at humanity, Bella.

I sighed. Youve got to be reasonable about the timing, Edward. Its just too dangerous to mess around
with.

Theres no danger yet, he insisted.

 I glared at him. No danger? Sure. I only had a sadistic vampire trying to avenge her mates death with
my own, preferably through some slow and torturous method. Who was worried about Victoria? And,
oh yeah, the Volturi  the vampire royal family with their small army of vampire warriors  who
insisted that my heart stop beating one way or another in the near future, because humans werent
allowed to know they existed. Right. No reason at all to panic.

Even with Alice keeping watch  Edward was relying on her uncannily accurate visions of the future to
give us advance warning  it was insane to take chances.

 Besides, Id already won this argument. The date for my transformation was tentatively set for shortly
after my graduation from high school, only a handful of weeks away.

 A sharp jolt of unease pierced my stomach as I realized how short the time really was. Of course this
change was necessary  and the key to what I wanted more than everything else in the world put
together  but I was deeply conscious of Charlie sitting in the other room enjoying his game, just like
every other night. And my mother, Ren?e, far away in sunny Florida, still pleading with me to spend the
summer on the beach with her and her new husband. And Jacob, who, unlike my parents, would know
exactly what was going on when I disappeared to some distant school. Even if my parents didnt grow
suspicious for a long time, even if I could put off visits with excuses about travel expenses or study loads
or illnesses, Jacob would know the truth.

For a moment, the idea of Jacobs certain revulsion overshadowed every other pain.

Bella, Edward murmured, his face twisting when he read the distress in mine. Theres no hurry. I
wont let anyone hurt you. You can take all the time you need.

I want to hurry, I whispered, smiling weakly, trying to make a joke of it. I want to be a monster, too.

 His teeth clenched; he spoke through them. You have no idea what youre saying. Abruptly, he flung
the damp newspaper onto the table in between us. His finger stabbed the headline on the front page:

DEATH TOLL ON THE RISE, POLICE FEAR GANG ACTIVITY

What does that have to do with anything?

Monsters are not a joke, Bella.

I stared at the headline again, and then up to his hard expression. A . . . avampire is doing this? I
whispered.

 He smiled without humor. His voice was low and cold. Youd be surprised, Bella, at how often my
kind are the source behind the horrors in your human news. Its easy to recognize, when you know what
to look for. The information here indicates a newborn vampire is loose in Seattle. Bloodthirsty, wild, out
of control. The way we all were.

I let my gaze drop to the paper again, avoiding his eyes.
 Weve been monitoring the situation for a few weeks. All the signs are there  the unlikely
disappearances, always in the night, the poorly disposed-of corpses, the lack of other evidence. . . . Yes,
someone brand-new. And no one seems to be taking responsibility for the neophyte. . . . He took a
deep breath. Well, its not our problem. We wouldnt even pay attention to the situation if wasnt going
on so close to home. Like I said, this happens all the time. The existence of monsters results in monstrous
consequences.

 I tried not to see the names on the page, but they jumped out from the rest of the print like they were in
bold. The five people whose lives were over, whose families were mourning now. It was different from
considering murder in the abstract, reading those names. Maureen Gardiner, Geoffrey Campbell, Grace
Razi, Michelle OConnell, Ronald Albrook. People whod had parents and children and friends and pets
and jobs and hopes and plans and memories and futures. . . .

It wont be the same for me, I whispered, half to myself. You wont let me be like that. Well live in
Antarctica.

Edward snorted, breaking the tension. Penguins. Lovely.

 I laughed a shaky laugh and knocked the paper off the table so I wouldnt have to see those names; it hit
the linoleum with a thud. Of course Edward would consider the hunting possibilities. He and his
vegetarian family  all committed to protecting human life  preferred the flavor of large predators
for satisfying their dietary needs. Alaska, then, as planned. Only somewhere much more remote than
Juneau  somewhere with grizzlies galore.

Better, he allowed. There are polar bears, too. Very fierce. And the wolves get quite large.

My mouth fell open and my breath blew out in a sharp gust.

 Whats wrong? he asked. Before I could recover, the confusion vanished and his whole body seemed
to harden. Oh. Never mind the wolves, then, if the idea is offensive to you. His voice was stiff, formal,
his shoulders rigid.

He was my best friend, Edward, I muttered. It stung to use the past tense. Of course the idea offends
me.

Please forgive my thoughtlessness, he said, still very formal. I shouldnt have suggested that.

Dont worry about it. I stared at my hands, clenched into a double fist on the table.

 We were both silent for a moment, and then his cool finger was under my chin, coaxing my face up. His
expression was much softer now.

Sorry. Really.

 I know. I know its not the same thing. I shouldnt have reacted that way. Its just that . . . well, I was
already thinking about Jacob before you came over. I hesitated. His tawny eyes seemed to get a little bit
darker whenever I said Jacobs name. My voice turned pleading in response. Charlie says Jake is
having a hard time. Hes hurting right now, and . . . its my fault.

Youve done nothing wrong, Bella.
 I took a deep breath. I need to make it better, Edward. I owe him that. And its one of Charlies
conditions, anyway 

His face changed while I spoke, turning hard again, statue-like.

You know its out of the question for you to be around a werewolf unprotected, Bella. And it would
break the treaty if any of us cross over onto their land. Do you want us to start a war?

Of course not!

 Then theres really no point in discussing the matter further. He dropped his hand and looked away,
searching for a subject change. His eyes paused on something behind me, and he smiled, though his eyes
stayed wary.

Im glad Charlie has decided to let you out  youre sadly in need of a visit to the bookstore. I cant
believe youre readingWuthering Heights again. Dont you know it by heart yet?

Not all of us have photographic memories, I said curtly.

 Photographic memory or not, I dont understand why you like it. The characters are ghastly people
who ruin each others lives. I dont know how Heathcliff and Cathy ended up being ranked with couples
like Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. It isnt a love story, its a hate story.

You have some serious issues with the classics, I snapped.

 Perhaps its because Im not impressed by antiquity. He smiled, evidently satisfied that hed distracted
me. Honestly, though, whydo you read it over and over? His eyes were vivid with real interest now,
trying  again  to unravel the convoluted workings of my mind. He reached across the table to cradle
my face in his hand. What is it that appeals to you?

 His sincere curiosity disarmed me. Im not sure, I said, scrambling for coherency while his gaze
unintentionally scattered my thoughts. I think its something about the inevitability. How nothing can keep
them apart  not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end. . . .

 His face was thoughtful as he considered my words. After a moment he smiled a teasing smile. I still
think it would be a better story if either of them had one redeeming quality.

I think that may be the point, I disagreed. Their loveis their only redeeming quality.

I hope you have better sense than that  to fall in love with someone so . . . malignant.

Its a bit late for me to worry about who I fall in love with, I pointed out. But even without the
warning, I seem to have managed fairly well.

He laughed quietly. Im gladyou think so.

Well, I hope youre smart enough to stay away from someone so selfish. Catherine is really the source
of all the trouble, not Heathcliff.

Ill be on my guard, he promised.
I sighed. He was so good at distractions.

I put my hand over his to hold it to my face. I need to see Jacob.

His eyes closed. No.

 Its truly not dangerous at all, I said, pleading again. I used to spend all day in La Push with the whole
lot of them, and nothing ever happened.

 But I made a slip; my voice faltered at the end because I realized as I was saying the words that they
were a lie. It was not true thatnothing had ever happened. A brief flash of memory  an enormous gray
wolf crouched to spring, baring his dagger-like teeth at me  had my palms sweating with an echo of
remembered panic.

Edward heard my heart accelerate and nodded as if Id acknowledged the lie aloud. Werewolves are
unstable. Sometimes, the people near them get hurt. Sometimes, they get killed.

I wanted to deny it, but another image slowed my rebuttal. I saw in my head the once beautiful face of
Emily Young, now marred by a trio of dark scars that dragged down the corner of her right eye and left
her mouth warped forever into a lopsided scowl.

He waited, grimly triumphant, for me to find my voice.

You dont know them, I whispered.

I know them better than you think, Bella. I was here the last time.

The last time?

 We started crossing paths with the wolves about seventy years ago. . . . We had just settled near
Hoquiam. That was before Alice and Jasper were with us. We outnumbered them, but that wouldnt
have stopped it from turning into a fight if not for Carlisle. He managed to convince Ephraim Black that
coexisting was possible, and eventually we made the truce.

Jacobs great-grandfathers name startled me.

 We thought the line had died out with Ephraim, Edward muttered; it sounded like he was talking to
himself now. That the genetic quirk which allowed the transmutation had been lost. . . . He broke off
and stared at me accusingly. Your bad luck seems to get more potent every day. Do you realize that
your insatiable pull for all things deadly was strong enough to recover a pack of mutant canines from
extinction? If we could bottle your luck, wed have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands.

I ignored the ribbing, my attention caught by his assumption  was he serious? ButI didnt bring them
back. Dont you know?

Know what?

My bad luck had nothing to do with it. The werewolves came back because the vampires did.

Edward stared at me, his body motionless with surprise.
Jacob told me that your family being here set things in motion. I thought you would already know. . . .

His eyes narrowed. Is that what they think?

 Edward, look at the facts. Seventy years ago, you came here, and the werewolves showed up. You
come back now, and the werewolves show up again. Do you think thats a coincidence?

He blinked and his glare relaxed. Carlisle will be interested in that theory.

Theory, I scoffed.

 He was silent for a moment, staring out the window into the rain; I imagined he was contemplating the
fact that his familys presence was turning the locals into giant dogs.

Interesting, but not exactly relevant, he murmured after a moment. The situation remains the same.

I could translate that easily enough: no werewolf friends.

I knew I must be patient with Edward. It wasnt that he was unreasonable, it was just that he didnt
understand. He had no idea how very much I owed Jacob Black  my life many times over, and
possibly my sanity, too.

 I didnt like to talk about that barren time with anyone, and especially not Edward. He had only been
trying to save me when hed left, trying to save my soul. I didnt hold him responsible for all the stupid
things Id done in his absence, or the pain I had suffered.

He did.

So I would have to word my explanation very carefully.

 I got up and walked around the table. He opened his arms for me and I sat on his lap, nestling into his
cool stone embrace. I looked at his hands while I spoke.

 Please just listen for a minute. This is so much more important than some whim to drop in on an old
friend. Jacob is inpain . My voice distorted around the word. I cantnot try to help him  I cant give
up on him now, when he needs me. Just because hes not human all the time. . . . Well, he was there for
me when I was . . . not so human myself. You dont know what it was like. . . . I hesitated. Edwards
arms were rigid around me; his hands were in fists now, the tendons standing out. If Jacob hadnt helped
me . . . Im not sure what you would have come home to. I owe him better than this, Edward.

I looked up at his face warily. His eyes were closed, and his jaw was strained.

Ill never forgive myself for leaving you, he whispered. Not if I live a hundred thousand years.

I put my hand against his cold face and waited until he sighed and opened his eyes.

 You were just trying to do the right thing. And Im sure it would have worked with anyone less mental
than me. Besides, youre here now. Thats the part that matters.

If Id never left, you wouldnt feel the need to go risk your life to comfort adog .
I flinched. I was used to Jacob and all his derogatory slurs bloodsucker, leech, parasite . . . .
Somehow it sounded harsher in Edwards velvet voice.

 I dont know how to phrase this properly, Edward said, and his tone was bleak. Its going to sound
cruel, I suppose. But Ive come too close to losing you in the past. I know what it feels like to think I
have. I amnot going to tolerate anything dangerous.

You have to trust me on this. Ill be fine.

His face was pained again. Please, Bella, he whispered.

I stared into his suddenly burning golden eyes. Please what?

Please, for me. Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. Ill do everything I can, but I
would appreciate a little help.

Ill work on it, I murmured.

Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love
you? He pulled me tighter against his hard chest, tucking my head under his chin.

I pressed my lips against his snow-cold neck. I know how muchI loveyou , I answered.

You compare one small tree to the entire forest.

I rolled my eyes, but he couldnt see. Impossible.

He kissed the top of my head and sighed.

No werewolves.

Im not going along with that. I have to see Jacob.

Then Ill have to stop you.

He sounded utterly confident that this wouldnt be a problem.

I was sure he was right.

Well see about that, I bluffed anyway. Hes still my friend.

I could feel Jacobs note in my pocket, like it suddenly weighed ten pounds. I could hear the words in
his voice, and he seemed to be agreeing with Edward  something that would never happen in reality.

Doesnt change anything. Sorry.



2. EVASION

IFELT ODDLY BUOYANT AS I WALKED FROM SPANISHtoward the cafeteria, and it wasnt
just because I was holding hands with the most perfect person on the planet, though that was certainly
part of it.

Maybe it was the knowledge that my sentence was served and I was a free woman again.

Or maybe it wasnt anything to do with me specifically. Maybe it was the atmosphere of freedom that
hung over the entire campus. School was winding down, and, for the senior class especially, there was a
perceptible thrill in the air.

 Freedom was so close it was touchable, taste-able. Signs of it were everywhere. Posters crowded
together on the cafeteria walls, and the trashcans wore a colorful skirt of spilled-over fliers: reminders to
buy yearbooks, class rings, and announcements; deadlines to order graduation gowns, hats, and tassels;
neon-bright sales pitches  the juniors campaigning for class office; ominous, rose-wreathed
advertisements for this years prom. The big dance was this coming weekend, but I had an ironclad
promise from Edward that I would not be subjected to that again. After all, Id already hadthat human
experience.

No, it must be my personal freedom that lightened me today. The ending of the school year did not give
me the pleasure it seemed to give the other students. Actually, I felt nervous to the point of nausea
whenever I thought of it. I tried tonot think of it.

But it was hard to escape such an omnipresent topic as graduation.

 Have you sent your announcements, yet? Angela asked when Edward and I sat down at our table.
She had her light brown hair pulled back into a sloppy ponytail instead of her usual smooth hairdo, and
there was a slightly frantic look about her eyes.

 Alice and Ben were already there, too, on either side of Angela. Ben was intent over a comic book, his
glasses sliding down his narrow nose. Alice was scrutinizing my boring jeans-and-a-t-shirt outfit in a way
that made me self-conscious. Probably plotting another makeover. I sighed. My indifferent attitude to
fashion was a constant thorn in her side. If Id allow it, shed love to dress me every day  perhaps
several times a day  like some oversized three-dimensional paper doll.

 No, I answered Angela. Theres no point, really. Ren?e knows when Im graduating. Who else is
there?

How about you, Alice?

Alice smiled. All done.

Lucky you. Angela sighed. My mother has a thousand cousins and she expects me to hand-address
one to everybody. Im going to get carpal tunnel. I cant put it off any longer and Im just dreading it.

Ill help you, I volunteered. If you dont mind my awful handwriting.

 Charlie would like that. From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward smile. He must like that, too  me
fulfilling Charlies conditions without involving werewolves.

Angela looked relieved. Thats so nice of you. Ill come over any time you want.

Actually, Id rather go to your house if thats okay  Im sick of mine. Charlie un-grounded me last
night. I grinned as I announced my good news.

Really? Angela asked, mild excitement lighting her always-gentle brown eyes. I thought you said you
were in for life.

 Im more surprised than you are. I was sure I would at least have finished high school before he set me
free.

Well, this is great, Bella! Well have to go out to celebrate.

You have no idea how good that sounds.

 What should we do? Alice mused, her face lighting up at the possibilities. Alices ideas were usually a
little grandiose for me, and I could see it in her eyes now  the tendency to take things too far kicking
into action.

Whatever youre thinking, Alice, I doubt Imthat free.

Free is free, right? she insisted.

Im sure I still have boundaries  like the continental U.S., for example.

Angela and Ben laughed, but Alice grimaced in real disappointment.

So what are we doing tonight? she persisted.

 Nothing. Look, lets give it a couple of days to make sure he wasnt joking. Its a school night,
anyway.

Well celebrate this weekend, then. Alices enthusiasm was impossible to repress.

 Sure, I said, hoping to placate her. I knew I wasnt going to do anything too outlandish; it would be
safer to take it slow with Charlie. Give him a chance to appreciate how trustworthy and mature I was
before I asked for any favors.

 Angela and Alice started talking about options; Ben joined the conversation, setting his comics aside.
My attention drifted. I was surprised to find that the subject of my freedom was suddenly not as gratifying
as it had been just a moment ago. While they discussed things to do in Port Angeles or maybe Hoquiam,
I began to feel disgruntled.

It didnt take long to determine where my restlessness stemmed from.

 Ever since Id said goodbye to Jacob Black in the forest outside my home, Id been plagued by a
persistent, uncomfortable intrusion of a specific mental picture. It popped into my thoughts at regular
intervals like some annoying alarm clock set to sound every half hour, filling my head with the image of
Jacobs face crumpled in pain. This was the last memory I had of him.

As the disturbin